Sunday, March 26, 2017

Oh ya.

I'm not always such a cold blanket.
I used to be a very optimistic person.
Now I'm just realistic, not pessimistic.
I see things the way it is, although still with a little hope things will turn out in a more
favorable way.
For the past few months I've been working part-time in the wedding planning department of a Peranakan restaurant. Nothing too big or fancy, but interesting none the less, and people there are awesome.

It's a totally new experience for me, be it the restaurant setting or the wedding/ROM thingy we do. The number of wedding lunch/dinner-s I've attended in the past few months jumped from 1 in 20 years to 3 or 4 per month. The first one I attended (as a staff) was such a touching experience, the union of two person. Then things just went downhill, it got meh seeing people I don't know sign the paper, hah.

Anyways, I'm not here to share about what I'm doing or what I'm not doing today.
I'm here to share my views of marriage.

Ironically, I did not see marriage as anything fairy-tale or even romantic like when I decide to go for this job or after. The job actually strengthened my belief of 'marriage-is-not-that-special' and 'love-is-over-rated' schema.

Marriage was never about love. At least not from the start. In the beginning of times, marriages almost always comes with motive or an objective.
Two families might want to "combine forces".
Two nation might want to join as one, marriage helps to build that path.
Some men want to own some women.
There was nothing sweet or romantic about marriages.
As time past, people get more deluded and fed with romance, thus marriage evolved.
Marriage became a symbol of love, a love so deep you decide to want to live with that person
forever. (Debatable tho)
Look how far that have come, from women being owned to love.

But things are taking a change.
Here and now, individualism is widely promoted as compared to in the past decades.
Women are standing up more for themselves now.
World is changing yet again, people are more aware of things and care more for themselves.
Divorce rates are rising, less people view marriages as a forever thing.
Here in Singapore, many get married because we have to get a flat.
At least that's the more economical decision if you don't want to live with your parents forever,
and to get one flat by yourself is near impossible especially you're from a middle income family or poor. (Let's not talk about the born rich ones, such woes will never be on their list.)
So. People get married here to 'BTO' to be eligible to get a flat. Such joy.

My points are:

  • Marriage is not equal to love. 
  • Not everyone marry someone they love or love the person they marry.
  • Some people will just never find true love.
  • You'll never know if someone is 'the one'. 

That's just how the world works.

Romance is a drug people feed on to escape the harshness of reality.
Ain't complaining.
We all need a little drug to numb our senses.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Just got back from Taipei.
Currently, I don't miss it nor do I not miss it.
I just fully appreciates the difference in everything they have compared to Singapore and the
similarities.

We are on the same Earth after all.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Today is 18/11/2016

According to Siri it's 26 degrees here, now.
But it feels like 16 degrees I swear.
It's almost like winter's here.

I likey.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Just the other day I realized this:

Though heavily frowned upon by current society standard.

Greed and selfishness is not exactly wrong.
It's a sin in some religion, but according to logic, it's not wrong.
We can't BLAME someone because he/she is selfish or greedy.
(Especially when it don't put someone else in danger or trouble.)

May be I'll be able to explain it better when I get to my next Social Psychology
class - Attribution.

Monday, September 26, 2016

I apologize for the terrible grammar used and for the font of my posts.
Ayyyeee, you .

It's 6 in the morning.
I've had tea and coffee in a day and usually after that I can't sleep for a day.

I'll like to blame it on Xiangy ordering Macdelivery and he ordered MOCHA
(I don't drink mocha) frappe instead of Sprite like I told him.
But it's one of the sweetest things he'd done so I'm not gonna complain to him.
I hope he reads my blog.

I hate it so much when I'm unable to sleep and there's plans for the next day.
Hate the sleepy trippy feeling you  get when you don't get enough sleep and
have to stay awake for reasons.
I gave up trying to sleep 2 hours ago knowing I have to meet Nicole at 7.15AM later.
By now there's just no point and I probably will feel better not sleeping at all than sleep for
2/3 hours. I need at least 5 hours of undisturbed sleep to feel refreshed.

Recently, I've been super broke.
Especially after Japan trip, or because of Japan trip.
The thing is I'm a terrible spendthrift.
Now I'm just a miserable spendthrift.
This is one of the reason I've work kinda none stop since 14.
If I can't, I don't stop, I make sure I can.
Need to find a job and earn those money and them experience.

Ok bye.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

I think I kind of found my inner peace.

I have things I believe in, I have things I stand for.
I have a focused short term goal.
I am not as sad as I used to be. I have no idea why was I so sad last time.
I'm all good and all bad. I like how I am right now, I also like who I wanna be.
The only problem might be only be that I'm not "acting" on what I stand/believe
in as much as I would like. Helping those in need and stuff..

Recently. I thought I'm more interested in things that can "express" myself.
Media and stuff. Stuff that needs a little of creative flair, words and stuff.
Not very sure about it, but I have more time for it now since my job ended.

My straightforwardness never fails to amuse me.
I always seems to achieve new level of tactlessness and straightforwardness.
I love it.
I offend people sometimes. On purpose sometimes, and not so much some other times.
But I love it.
As I get older I really give less fucks. So little.
I like it. I just really don't care.

Like, oh you think that way of me? Congrats, that's nice to know, but I don't care.
Of course, there are still things I care about, but they are so out of reach.
Like that Syrian kid.

Maybe deep down I still care how people think of me, but only the good things, if it's bad, I don't care.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Life so far

Life so far is good , I guess.
There's this saying "Mai hiam buey pai."
Which translate to: If you're not picky, it's not that bad.

The only worry is my upcoming results, which I am also excited about.
I hate suspense, even for movies, I would like to know or wouldn't mind knowing
the ending before hand. It saves a lot of time like that.

Back to my life.
Working temp/full-time Monday to Friday is obviously not my thing.
I'm not "settled" or mature enough to sit at one place minding for one
thing Mon-Fri. I mean, world's too big and I'm too young!
There's still a lot of things waiting for me to be experienced and try.

BUT MONEY

As you can see, there are a lot of things you can't experience or try without
money. That explains why I just suck it up and go along with the 9/5 Mon/Fri.
You don't always get what you want.

That is also why, I'm still and constantly looking for revenues to increase my revenues.
If I want to experience more, buy more, I have to definitely earn more.
Plus, I totally do not believe in the "just don't buy/do so much if you don't have the money."
Nah uh.
I believe in working hard, hard and harder to achieve what you want to buy or
experience. You know what's gonna happen if you just sit there and wait until
something you want is affordable or you have enough to afford it?
Nothing. Nothing will happen, because you'll never get it.
Things that are worth it are not within reach.
You have to fight for them, run after them, work hard for them.

That's why I'm holding 3 jobs. Kinda ~
Still, not enough, I have to earn more. The money are absolutely pathetic.
If you're reading this, and have flexible jobs to offer, contact me.
If you're reading this, and have too much money on hand, also, contact me.

Life's too short to just wait for things to happen.

Anyway, are they exhausting? Yes, yes they are.
Worth it? Yes, it's worth it.
Especially when you finally get that thing or get that thing that your loved
ones really wanted.

Other than that I currently just waiting for my temp job to end, Japan to come
(or rather to go to Japan), and I really wanna dye my hair blue.


Ok bye !

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Can someone explain this to me.
I do not understand what I am feeling right now.
Is this exhaustion?

I have a lot of things going on in my tiny brain right now, many of them conflicts with one another.

If I were to describe myself, I would say that I am a free soul.
Dare to love and hate.
I comment of politics, I support LGBT, I seek new knowledge, I love everything and anything.
Because I am still very awed and fascinated by how everything interlinks.
My dream job would be to do something I love and get paid enough to do the other
things that I love. Even better, help other people do what they love.

But things don't always work out the way you want it to be.
You're not the only living soul, and no matter how free and independent you think
you are, there bounds be something pulling you back, isn't it?
No one is truly free, right?

Do you know how it feels to have the world in your mind and the galaxy in your heart but
the things you can do is so small and out of reach.

Yes. Hopelessness.. Trapped ..
Those are the words I was looking for.

Friday, July 1, 2016

Money

I really ticks me when people say money can't buy happiness.
I know they don't exactly sell 'HAPPINESS' in stores,
but do you know how much misery it takes away?

Saturday, June 4, 2016

OFFICE WORK

Hello my non-existence readers ! Good day.
Lemme update some thoughts and feelings for my own future amusement.

After exams, I will have almost 4 months of holidays. 3.5 months to be exact.
I'll also be going to Tokyo for a week at the beginning of September, naturally,
I'll need MONEY to enjoy myself to the fullest there.
To be honest I need money ALL the time. I have no idea where all my money went.
They come so slowly and gone so fast, and I can't remember what I bought.
I need more money *cries*.

Anyways, so to earn money for my Japan trip, I took up this job in a insurance
company.
(I really shouldn't have taken this job, the pay is worse than shit, totally waste
of my time. I only took it up because the timing seems accommodating for my tuition
but it's all a LIE. Sad-ed)
I'm not involved in the sales part, I'm in the customers services department.
In another word, saikang. Kinda. Plus, I'm the temp of the team that does the shit job
no one wants to do, yeah, so I do the saikangs of the saikangs.

Before this job, I didn't really have any experiences in an office environment.
Not counting my intern, cause the office was so small and it's only the on site office,
there was a total of 5 people ?
This current office I'm in is HUGE.
There are about 100 over people in the office I think.
That's not the worst part, you know what is the worse part?
It's freaking open concept. Why would they do thaaaat?
Everyone can see what's everyone is doing (or not doing)
if you look up (if you can see that far). The space is big but man it's making me
feel claustrophobic. VERY. Especially for someone like me that needs her freedom.

Oh sorry, I made a mistake, that's not the worst part.
The worst part is the atmosphere is god damn fucking DEPRESSING.
I cannot breathe. I kinda regretted and felt like leaving the second damn day there.
Everyone is just looking down (exception for my team), tapping on and on on their
keyboard. No smile, no interaction, no life. Can you imagine ???
Everyone was in those few standard office wear.
Ladies in dull flora dress. Men in shirt and trousers.
The entire place just feel like it's there to suck every life out of your soul.
Ok it's not that bad, but that's how I felt when I look around.
Now I try not to look too far from my desk.

I hate being restricted, I don't work well with rules and regulations.
If it gets on my nerve enough I will make it a point to break it.
I especially loathe UNNECESSARY/UNHELPFUL/COUNTER PRODUCTIVE
rules and regulations. For me, what's the most important is to do my job well and to
complete it well. Then there'll be things like dress code, standard emails replies,
protocols, etc.
OK, stop, I know it IS necessary for an organisation to be .. organised.
To have it's SOP, it's boring stupid reporting timings, and shit. I totally understand.
The thing is I don't think it's the thing for me, and I don't think it make people love their jobs more.
Serving people behind emails and phone calls, might I add I really don't care about them?
I seriously don't, I have no part in the money made. I can't care less about their insurance problems.

I do feel better about it all after my second week there, mainly thanks to the
people in my team (They are super fun loving and funny). And no thanks to the people
that take our enjoyment as a personal offence. I did learn A LOT from my colleagues, it's an idustry I wasn't familiar after all. (Learnt about accidents, liability disputes, lawyers, funny people, etc.)
Also I found some ways to spend my time when I have absolutely nothing to do and my colleagues are too busy to entertain me. I walk to the pantry and get myself a free cup of Milo. I can drink bout 4/5 cups per day. Time seems to pass faster this way, and the week pass faster this way.
Soon, I'll be off to Japan. I can't wait. Yay !

I do feel better that that place, but all these feeling really got me thinking about what
on Earth do I really want to do in the future. I'm ok good at sales, but the people in sales
industry really irks me (not all). I've been to Yun Nam, I know.
I apparently can't sit very still in front of computers staring at countless emails that really
doesn't interest me. I can die. I almost did.
BUT so many countless of jobs requires one to be desk bound, and go clicking tapping all
day on their computer.
(ADD: The f#@$#@$@#king chairs there don't even let you lean back. I have to sit 90 degrees straight all the time. )
All these really got me thinking. I thought, even if I have to be restrained like this, it better
be for something I like or I willingly be desk bounded like this. To achieve that, I have to
work at a place, or work for something that I am really interested in. I've been searching.
I realized I've pretty much given up on human race. The obscene things we've all done,
we're hopeless. Maybe I'll work in advertising industry, then I realized I don't have the skills
needed. (I might take further classed for it in the future). Then I thought, maybe I'll work for
WWF, the animals are the really innocent one that human thinks their life is for our dispense.
We'll see how.


ADIOS.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Exams are finally over.
The 5 papers almost took my life.
It made me realize how lazy I was for the past 13 years
of education. (Primary + Secondary + Poly).
I hardly studied, and I studied like never before for my 5 papers.
That, and I'm still not confident enough to say I'll pass all.

Well, at least I realized I really wasn't pushing myself to my
potential. Still am not, but I will be.

Lets all hope I pass all my papers, they're god damn expensive to
retake.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Truth be told, I didn't know I'm capable of this much before I enter university.

University is god damn tough, I used to think it'll be like Polytechnic,
where I go to school and sleep or just sleep and don't go to school, and
I'll pass.

If only I put this much thought and heart into studying when I was in Primary school.
I wouldn't even be here.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

I read a lot of other blogs too.
People share about their days and the things they are doing.

Seems interesting to do that too, but I cannot remember I did 1 hour
ago how am I suppose to share what I did through out the day.
Plus, somethings are really personal, and I don't want EVERYONE
who have a connection to the internet to be able to know what I am doing.
What if some have nasty motive.
The smallest information can be used to a great advantage when the opportunity
presents itself. Other people can be manipulated by the information or use the
information to manipulate.

Most importantly, my days are at its new level of boringness.

Ohwells.
Despite that, I want to log down my adventures. When I have new ones.
Wait ok !

It'll become a travel log of some sort, and when I finally get to go dive again
this time I'll bring my go pro along and tell you (remind myself) how great it feels !

Excited. HUEHUE

Thursday, March 24, 2016

This is a self motivation post.

Few weeks back, I came across this quote on FB.

" It's sad that how so many people says they want to die
but really they just want to start living. "

Wow.

Not like I was thinking of dying, at least not when I'm not studying.
Just that my mind didn't cross the thought of
" I should start living". I forgot I really like feeling alive.
That's why I LOVE thrill rides, doing courageous things, facing my fears.
It's addictive. I can feel the adrenaline rushes through my vessels.
I feel alive.

Not so much recently.

I feel almost as good as dead.
Things are incredibly BORING.
and I HATE boring. I can't even sit too long in front of the computer
with entertainment. I have to MOVE.
I like movies and dramas, but I feel like they are just numbing agents
that let me forget I have a boring life (currently) for that few hours.
I need more sun, I need to do more new things, I need to go learn and see
new stuff.

The thing is there are so many limiting factors limiting me from
what I really want to do.

MEGA SIGH
BYE.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Maybe because I don't believe in regrets.
Maybe I told myself this is the only chance I'm gonna get.
Maybe I have been way too patient than I should be.

Or maybe it's just not meant to be.

Sunday, February 28, 2016


Exactly what I was saying few post back. 

Friday, February 26, 2016

Movie idea

There should be a movie that follow the lead of the movie closely.
It have to be funny, with enough humor to make sure the audience stay
interested as the movie screens the lead's day to day life.

The audience will be brought to follow the lead's everyday life since
maybe about 8 or 10 years old, old enough to make decisions.
Audience will watch the lead grow up and his/her everyday activities.
She/he will just like everybody else, school, romance, friends, families,
conflict, just the normal things.
Then when the lead grown up, things started to be difficult, more decision have
to be made. Difficult decisions and everyday simple decisions that everyone goes through.
And the lead will always make the decision that everyone will agree to.
Like : " That's the only way/ That's what I would have done too./That's what's right."
The lead will always make the " correct " decision. But not dwelling on the scene
of her/him making the decision, it't just a flash by thing.

The decisions:
- She/he'll ignore the little kid that looked alone because she was running late for the
interview that the audience knew was what she'd been waiting for for the past 3 years.
- She/he'll not give the homeless man the money because she ran out of change as she walk
to the train station. He's there everyday.
- She/he'll give her unfinished pizza to a stray dog on her way to school.

Or something like that.

Then the movie don't tell the stories of the lead anymore.
It shows the little kid that was lost, the homeless man, the stray dog.
The consequences of the decisions so small no one gave it a second thought.
How the little kid was then kidnapped and sold to be a beggar, the movie emphasizing
on the fear the little kid was in, how he screams for his mum helplessly.
How the homeless man calls it a day after the lead walks pass and wanted to
get dinner, he was starving, and he counted the amount of money he collected
but he was a few cent short from a decent meal. He got demoralized and skipped
the 100th meal he'd skipped and slept in a corner by the street hungry.
The stray dog was over the moon for the food he gotten, one of the best he can find out
in the street, he brought the pizza back to his little "den" and shared it with his doggie
friend who was too hungry to move to find food.

Something like that.
Something like how our mindless or seemingly good decisions can affect other
people that you'll probably never see again.
I don't know I'm not script writer, but ultimately I hope it'll mindfuck all the audience..